This character feature is, in fact, essential with all the social interactions that we develop. The reason why it comes first with romantic relationships is that you cannot make anyone truly appreciate you if you do not appreciate yourself and you are not confident about what you have to offer for making that relationship work.

There are all sorts of people looking to find love on the internet, many of which being quite self-confident, enthusiasts and sociable. Therefore, the following issues are rather addressed to those that are less confident in themselves from the very beginning of a promising road.

Why is self-confidence so important?

 Lack of confidence has all the chances to make all your skills, experience and knowledge not to count. Regardless how great you seem to be in whatever presentation, whenever your body language or voice tone says something different – which only happens when you have a low self-confidence, nothing else really matters.

Additionally, confidence is your best weapon to reassure the people you interact with, in this case your potential date. Studies have shown that people naturally tend to have more trust in confident people, with the subconscious mind placing an equal sign in between confidence and competence.

Last but not least, self-confidence helps you see failures in a different and better light, take risks in order to pursuit your goals, work harder to achieve them and have more resistance when being put under pressure. Are not all these qualities we would admire in the personality of an ideal date? If you would date with such a person, becoming like that will make others want to date you!

How can you improve your self-confidence?

 Self-confidence has a lot to do with the way you see yourself and the way that your actions and expectations develop. Therefore, you should begin my fairly analyzing yourself, deciding whether you are ready to date and establish what things you would change on you.

It may seem strange to increase self-confidence by determining what is wrong with you, but it is also the only way for you to make the necessary changes. From that point you should establish yourself new goals and take them step by step.

Supposing you want to lose a few pounds, even just getting rid of a quarter of them will make you more confident. So the change comes with small steps. You need a strategy.

You will also need to invest time in making yourself a successful online dating profile, because regardless how good you feel about yourself, if you have no idea how to show it, success is limited.

• a juicy love statement
• a stolen kiss
• being able to always surprise your lover in a pleasant way
• a dinner on candle’s lights
• offering a flower
• a walk on the beach on sunset

… and the list could go on and on. Easy to notice, most from the entire above and not only are things that cannot be experienced on the internet. So can online dating still be a romantic experience with Cupid playing anywhere else at the time when you have found a special someone on a dating website?

Considering romance online and offline

 If romance can mean anything from one person to another, there is still hope to make Cupid sign in for virtual romances. It is not about inviting your date for an imaginary walk with Google Earth 3D, but about making other small gestures that the current technology allows and that do not pass as creepy.

We will get back soon to this part, but it is also very important to state that finding love online is, in most of the situations, designed to help you translate it to the real world. While there are a few couples interested in maintaining their relationship solely on the internet, all the others are actually anxious to take it to the next level. And that next level is the place where you can have Cupid on your side and put all your romantic tricks into practice. But how can you get there?

Practice your skills with internet dating

 Most people are aware that it is difficult to be romantic on the World Wide Web but it does not mean you cannot prove that you are a romantic person in your daily life and suggest that person you hope to start a relationship with what pleasant and romantic things you will be doing together.

Here is what you should do:

Make sure your profile gives a hint or two on how romantic you are. You can choose to specify it or just to sneak a few romantic things that you like in your description

Remember that poems are still not overrated as long as the person you address them appreciates poetry. Instead of the traditional “copy-paste” move, which is a big turn off, struggle to write a few lines on your own, ideally by focusing on the person you approach, to prove you are genuine

Instead of sending your date a song from the internet, send a record with you making a cute statement

If you have already made the first steps of online interactions and both agree the chemistry, have fun with a few online quizzes about love

And always pleasantly surprise your date!

You’ve read that person’s profile, drooled in front of the attractive photos, finished expressing your satisfaction with regards to how many things you have in common and you are now thinking how to make the approach. You are really insecure of what to write, not sure what compliments to make and is it not a whole lot easier to talk about yourself?

Of course that this is the handiest strategy – you say something like “You have no idea how surprised I was when reading your profile. Imagine that we like pretty much the same things, only that I…”. And from this moment on, chances are that everything will turn into the “me, myself and I” thing.

So here are a few of the most important reasons of why you should be talking about something more interesting than your own person when trying to make a first good impression through a message on an online dating website:

You have already offered all the details that can make a difference and that you thought will put you in a great light on your profile’s page. What’s the point to insist on them?

You risk looking at least a little narcissist. When it is all about your person, in the profile and in the “Hi, I would like to know you better” part, you will raise at least one concern – what’s wrong with this person?

You can make the false impression that you didn’t even bothered to read the other person’s profile. Making no mentions about what you liked on him or her but only about what is to be liked on you suggests that you have no idea of what to like on your potential date. How comes that? You haven’t read the profile.

You also make the suggestion of not being a very creative and spontaneous person that you can easily talk to. If you cannot make a great entrance, how can you expect to be given the opportunity of proving how great you are within the next conversations?

All these considered the explanation is simple: the first message should be like a “motivational letter” focused on the person you would like to “work” with and not solely about your qualities. The last ones should have been previously exposed in your “curriculum vitae” a.k.a. online dating profile.

So the bad news is that there is no particular recipe for a first message, apart from the “do not make it about you” and the good news is that you have all the freedom of challenging the other person through a message that obviously targets her.

Bulk messaging is when someone fills the inboxes of other singles with a general message that has no other meaning than “I thought about trying you out. If it works, it’s perfect. If not, there are hundreds of others to try out.” It would have a greeting, an absolutely uninteresting motivation like “I saw your profile, you seem very cute and I was hoping we could talk.” and normally ends with loads of mushy kisses. How could you answer to a message like that?

Unfortunately, there are many people hoping to find love on the internet but who bother no more than to deliver bulk messages. What this has to say about them?

• That he or she is superficial and does not realize the necessity of showing that other person real interest
• That he or she does not necessarily have serious intentions and just plays for a chance
• That he or she has little things to say, which will later be more than obvious if you accept the invitation and try having a normal chat

and the list could go on. Question is: do you really need extra reasons to understand that you should simply ignore this type of messages and their senders?

The entire above suggestions are not a thumb rule, only that they can be applied to most users of online dating websites that have such a short memory or simply do not care about contacting someone repeatedly, without even receiving an answer, but by bugging with the same text each time.

Normally, someone adopting this attitude simply gets excited by the impressively wide range of potential partners to choose from and, instead of making efforts to discover what would best suit for each of them, decides to take the easiest path. It is infinitely simpler to do it this way than to spend time and analyze their profiles, take the most interesting things out of each one and use that essence to conceive a message that will make the person who reads it say “Wow, that’s an interesting approach! I damn sure want to talk to this person”.

Bulk messaging is even worse than the messages that say nothing interesting. You may have forgotten about previously contacting that someone, but the person involved will most likely instantly remember reading it before because back then, just like now, he or s he was intrigued by such a lame approach.

Bottom line, refrain from doing it and ignore those that do it. If these persons will get no answers, they would probably wake up and change their attitude sooner and online dating will be a lot more exciting for them as well.

Some people, particularly those looking to take advantage of the intimacy and relaxation that this type of dating provides, will be hardly convinced about the necessity of exposing themselves on a webcam. While it’s easy to just chat when sitting on a pile of clothes thrown all around, with a shaggy hair and only wearing a bathrobe, at some point you will have to hide all these under the carpet and reveal a more tidy and charming you – on a webcam.

Why using the webcam while dating online

 Webcam is about watching the other one and being watched. Visualizing a person at the very moment when you make a joke, ask a question or make a demand will give you a lot more hints on whom you are talking to. Additionally, it will make the whole conversation easier, less misleading and more entertaining.

Linguist researchers established that every message we intend to send is made of 7% verbal information, 38% vocal and 55% facial. Otherwise said, if you prefer just chatting, you only have access to delivering and receiving approximately 7% of the message. Phone chat or online calls help a little, but the aspect pondering the most is represented by your body language. And since body language is interpreted as a whole, you cannot take it from photos, but from live interactions. If you’re not to the point when you are sure about wanting to meet that person, a webcam is the best thing to convince you either take it or leave it.

How to use the webcam for online dating

 From the moment when you decide to give someone permission to view your webcam it is only up to you how much you are willing to reveal from yourself and from everything surrounding you.

However, you should:

Make sure that there is nothing wrong with your looks or with everything surrounding you – no – no to the piles of clothes above mentioned or the unwashed dishes

• Verify for the webcam settings to be right so that no technical issues will make you start the experience on the wrong foot
• Never forget you are being watched so act like you are on a real date – aware that someone sees all your small or big gestures
• Keep both your webcam window and your partner’s on the desktop so that to check appearances every now and then
• Focus on confidently watching the camera and on what messages you want to send for the rest of the time

Online rejection scripts

Rejection may come in different ways, depending in what stage your socializing experience is and what words come out of your… keyboard.

• You find an apparently perfect match and address a perfect message. Within hours, you log in again just to notice that the perfect match saw your profile yet left no message. It happens. Something about you was not that tempting to the other person and you just need to get over it.

• You just met someone you seem to click with. You start with the normal exchange of messages and you suddenly no longer receive a response. Maybe you have said something wrong. It matters a lot the way you speak out your concern. Well educated people will bother to give at least an explanation. If you get none, that someone made you a big favor by skipping the scene.

• You log in one day and find a very annoying message in your inbox from someone you never talked to. Something like “You listen to such a crappy music” is enough to make you mad, but this is another experience you just need to get over.

Saying No way to all these?

You might take attitude, but as long as someone has decided, you will only embarrass yourself.

Why aren’t you talking to me?!

Didn’t your parents tell you it’s not polite to leave unanswered messages?

If you didn’t think we match you should have just told me, it’s all about education!!!

The three above are examples of what you should always avoid when being rejected online. There’s nothing good coming out from them…

However, sometimes, depending on how you decide to react, you may surprise that person and get a second chance. If you are smart enough, you can make the best impression through simply accepting a rejection in an unexpected and not offending manner.

I’m sorry it didn’t work for you too, yet it was a pleasure talking to you.

It’s no biggie, it just wasn’t meant to be. I do admit I’m a little sorry though…

Oh crap, I knew I was going to blow it. You seemed too perfect!

 These on the other hand are things to try and see where they take you…

It’s not the same with real life rejections

 This should make you feel better. Being rejected online may be just as frustrating as in real dates, only that you will be less embarrassed. You can make it history with just one click on the “Block this user” button and continue your quest as nothing happened. That’s the right attitude when nothing good happened to you!

If you panic and you happen to feel a little unsecure with words – to the point where you think you cannot say something clever and catchy about yourself – you may consider the photos to be your shot. And unfortunately, some women decide to post photos that have on their visitors the same effect we laughed about in cartoons, with the guy’s eyes leaping out of the orbits.

How many times have you happened to bump into a woman’s profile whose photo album included themes such as the “skimpy little top”, the “don’t I have a great cleavage” question, the bikini shot or the sexy negligee? What about the panties making half of her butt hanging out of the handkerchief-like dress revealing lacey underwear? For things to be perfect, didn’t she have a profile header saying something like “I’m so tired of pervy men and really hope I will find a guy to love me for who I am!”? Yes, men have the shirtless photos, but at least they do not complain about women wanting them just for sex…

The thing is that one cannot expose herself that way and then expect men to love her for who she is instead of her looks. Because otherwise, the hidden message is that this is all she has to offer. And to say it bluntly it’s like speaking out loud “I admit I’m stupid but I do hope that these goodies will keep you from noticing it!”

Now can you picture how the rest of the online dating adventure will develop from here? The back and forward exchange of messages…

- I just saw your profile and I could tell that you really seem like a very interesting woman

(a.k.a. Wow, I can’t take my eyes from your tits and most surely can’t wait to grab them!)

- Oh, thank you, I checked your profile and you seem like a very interesting guy too

(a.k.a. Oh my God, I hope you’ll marry me!)

-What do you say, shall we meet for a coffee?

(a.k.a. The sooner we meet, the sooner I can have you)

  -It would be great, but I would love to take it slow…

(a.k.a. I need to make sure that you’re not just after sex)

And this is where conversation ends because he will most likely refuse doing such efforts for a pair of tits and she will most likely feel miserably, convinced that all that men want from her is sex.

Profile photos are for letting others know how you look and not what can you do in the bedroom – at least if you are looking for a mate, not a casual date. Because for this particular purpose, there are special websites to check!

Should you compare it with offline dating?

The main question is: when would it be the right moment to give out your phone number to someone you have only been interacting with on internet dating websites? Some claim that there is actually no difference in between doing it online and offline, like when you are in a bar, meet someone you flirt with for a couple of hours or even less and end up exchanging numbers.

However, picturing yourself in the above suggested scenario, can you tell that someone you are attracted to “You can find me here tomorrow at the same hour?”. Nothing stops you from doing so, only that the odds for the meeting to repeat as suggested are less likely than they are in terms of virtual dates.

Otherwise said, quickly exchanging phone numbers in real life not necessarily happens because we had all the information we need to convince ourselves on how that person is, but rather because we are forced by circumstances and we do not want to miss the chance. As dating over the internet buys us some extra time, rushing to make this step is not advisable.

Safe and sound suggestions:

Postpone making such personal information public during your first virtual encounters or at least consider the following advices:

-give your phone number only when you are confident about it and just to persons you are really into, not for the sake of conversation, but for extending your horizons and taking a promising interaction to the next level

-begin by using a phone card for this particular purpose, do not give the number you use with family, friends and coworkers to someone you met online before you switch things from online to offline and convince yourself it worth

-try to replace phone interactions at first with online video calls so that you can see and hear each other; body language and eye contact can help you even more in gaining confidence and will prove your date that you are serious about it and that you do not refuse exchanging numbers because you are bad intentioned, but rather cautious

Final considerations:

 As you may have already concluded for yourself, there is actually no perfect timing for making this step, but only things to consider and that would make you comfortable and less reluctant. It also depends on your previous experience, expectations and capacity of handling out-of-pattern situations. As a rule, later is better than sooner.

]]> http://www.imyours.co.uk/datingblogs/when-do-you-give-your-phone-number/feed/ 0 http://www.imyours.co.uk/datingblogs/is-your-online-date-trying-to-stood-you-up/ http://www.imyours.co.uk/datingblogs/is-your-online-date-trying-to-stood-you-up/#comments Sat, 05 May 2012 10:17:43 +0000 Mihaela http://www.imyours.co.uk/datingblogs/?p=447 Continue reading →]]> So you’ve met online, exchanged a few private messages, went to chatting and kept chatting till dawn. You felt attraction rising between the two of you. You cannot tell for sure that your online date is into you, but the never-ending virtual socialization tells you something. Is he or she avoiding a real date with you making you feel like you are about to be stood up?

It may be the case, depending on numerous other factors. But while the majority of articles telling you how to make the best in transferring online romances to offline experiences suggest that a reliable person will agree meeting you within the first three weeks of conversations, it does not have to be a rule.

Whenever looking into this problem, there are two main things to consider: your expectations and the ones of your partner. Begin by asking yourself how much you are willing to wait for someone you like and when would be the right moment to give up. Sometimes, you might surprise yourself ready to make an effort and wait even longer if it seems to worth the pain. And then, continue by asking yourself how much time does the other person need in order to take the relationship on a next level.

Of course, you will sound like a stalker with a line close to “So tell me, when exactly you are planning to meet me? Are we talking about days, weeks or months, ‘cause I’m having a full agenda!”. However, you can analyze that person’s profile in detail and try to understand, if you were not already told, for how long he or she has been out of a relationship, how much damage the breakup caused and how much is he or she emotionally available. If your online date is more of a sensitive person, it may take you longer to sell yourself as the best catch and be bought for a coffee.

If the entire above are clear and you are still there chatting, try to make another step by asking a phone number prior to the date. Depending on how fast you receive a positive answer, you can have another clue on whether you are only dealing with someone that takes things slowly or with someone who already stood you up by not having serious intentions.

Finally yet importantly, once you get that phone number and delve into the pleasure of exchanging messages wherever you are without having to sign in on the online dating website, you can suggest a quick date. Just to kill the tension, call it a trial date, for a small coffee at the corner of the street, for a cigarette if both of you smoke or for anything else that involves spending 15 minutes together. Even the shiest persons cannot resist the temptation of meeting someone they like under such circumstances. It helps breaking the ice and it will confirm you whether you need to hang around or move on.

With other words, being funny will not grant you an online date, but it can successfully set the premises for one to last longer than in other circumstances. Everyone enjoys a good laugh and just like in real life, where people that make the best impressions on parties are those that make the best jokes, internet dating works by the same principles. Looks are a great starting point, knowing how to present yourself in a funny manner and make the other one laugh opens your way and only then you can reveal your assets.

Just as an observation, whenever asked about how a man should be or act on a first date, all women specify, among many others, that they want him to make them laugh. And if this is demanded on a first date, it is sure demanded prior to getting it.

To all those thinking they are not funny enough and they will never be, flash news: the sense of humor is cultivated. Some are born with loads of it, others make loads of efforts to achieve it – the thing is that learning how to make someone laugh is doable.

While there are tons of online resources on how to be humorous, jokes to say on dates, strategies of stealing smiles and so on, it is very important for you to understand what it takes to be a comedian without being a clown. A funny person is attractive, yet one that does all the possible tricks may just seem desperate. So making it natural and not trying to be funny all the time is one efficient way of making people laugh when they have reasons, not just to avoid embarrassing you.

Laughing all by yourself because of the jokes you make is also not recommended, for the same above made observation. You will be ridiculous and you will force your date feel ridiculous while laughing back at you.

Lucky us that virtual romances can be easily filled with funny emoticons to mimic enthusiasm and amusement? Not really, but this is not necessarily something to scare us – as long as we keep things natural, casual and relaxed, it should not be the case.

A final observation would be that success rate is also increased when you observe, understand and then manage to imitate or just upgrade your online date’s humor. Making the type of jokes that the other one would do makes you intriguing and if you are not suspected of copying, chances are of being suspected a compatible match – “Oh, look, we laugh about the same things, don’t you find that interesting?”.