It is not like you are not interesting enough for the person you are trying to contact on an online dating site – even though, with your first email, you have little clues about the reaction you will get. But it is safer to say that a first message is not the best place to talk about you.
You’ve read that person’s profile, drooled in front of the attractive photos, finished expressing your satisfaction with regards to how many things you have in common and you are now thinking how to make the approach. You are really insecure of what to write, not sure what compliments to make and is it not a whole lot easier to talk about yourself?
Of course that this is the handiest strategy – you say something like “You have no idea how surprised I was when reading your profile. Imagine that we like pretty much the same things, only that I…”. And from this moment on, chances are that everything will turn into the “me, myself and I” thing.
So here are a few of the most important reasons of why you should be talking about something more interesting than your own person when trying to make a first good impression through a message on an online dating website:
You have already offered all the details that can make a difference and that you thought will put you in a great light on your profile’s page. What’s the point to insist on them?
You risk looking at least a little narcissist. When it is all about your person, in the profile and in the “Hi, I would like to know you better” part, you will raise at least one concern – what’s wrong with this person?
You can make the false impression that you didn’t even bothered to read the other person’s profile. Making no mentions about what you liked on him or her but only about what is to be liked on you suggests that you have no idea of what to like on your potential date. How comes that? You haven’t read the profile.
You also make the suggestion of not being a very creative and spontaneous person that you can easily talk to. If you cannot make a great entrance, how can you expect to be given the opportunity of proving how great you are within the next conversations?
All these considered the explanation is simple: the first message should be like a “motivational letter” focused on the person you would like to “work” with and not solely about your qualities. The last ones should have been previously exposed in your “curriculum vitae” a.k.a. online dating profile.
So the bad news is that there is no particular recipe for a first message, apart from the “do not make it about you” and the good news is that you have all the freedom of challenging the other person through a message that obviously targets her.