How To Avoid Repeating Past Mistakes In A New Relationship


We’ve all been there. We meet someone new, we feel wonderful. For a while, we start to believe that not only could this be ‘it’, but that the experience of new love has in some way transformed us. We’ve become better than we were, we’ve become good, all of our past problems have melted away in the face of this wondrous new experience. But then, slowly but surely, the old doubts, worries, insecurities, and self-sabotaging principles start to creep back in. Whether we ourselves are responsible, or we seem to choose unsuitable people, we end up watching helplessly as our wonderful new relationship starts to pull to the same old pattern, and gradually starts to unravel in predictable fashion. Is there any way to change our pattern? Is there any way to stop the same old things from repeating themselves? Yes – but it takes self-awareness and a bit of effort.

Develop Self-Awareness

This first step can be hard – but it’s very important. In order to stop yourself from making the same mistakes again, you need to know what led to those mistakes in the first place. This means looking honestly, critically, and analytically at your past. There’s no need to get all self-hatey about this, no need to wallow in any misery you unearth – try instead to step away and look at things as though from the outside. Don’t blame yourself for mistakes made, accept that they happened and try instead to suss out the reasons WHY they happened? If you’re prone to rushing relationships – why do you do this? Is it because you fear rejection and abandonment, so want to ‘pin down’ your loved one before they can run away? Is it because of other factors deep in your past? Or is it simply because you tend to move faster than the partners you choose? Working out the factors behind the decisions you make and the problems you find yourself with can help you to work through and eradicate them before they rear their heads again. This can be a long and involved process, sometimes going right back to your childhood, and it can take time. It can also be difficult. But developing this kind of self-awareness is crucial if you’re going to break free of toxic relationship patterns. If it helps, go and see a therapist to aid you through this, or simply recruit a friend to help you talk things through.

Work Out Your Expectations

One big problem which often leads to destructive patterns forming in relationships is the ‘Expectations vs Reality’ dichotomy. Many of us these days grow up with a highly idealised idea of what a relationship should be. Reality rarely if ever matches up to that dream. There is no Prince Charming or Dreamgirl – there are just humans, with human faults. If we can’t accept the fallible humanity of our partners, and can’t understand that reality is unlikely ever to correspond to our dreams, we will find ourselves frequently disappointed and resentful. Which in turn leads to recurring patterns of destructive behaviour. There is evidence to suggest that self-avowed ‘romantics’ tend to experience more trouble in relationships than their more cynical counterparts, simply because they believe too strongly in a Disneyfied dream. Relationships move through stages, and a lot of the work involved in making a relationship work centres around transitioning through these stages. When the initial rush of euphoria wears off, people with excessively romantic rather than realistic views of relationships may believe that the ‘magic’ has gone, and rush off to seek that rush elsewhere. Such people tend to skip from new relationship to new relationship, never letting anything deeper develop, and experiencing a lot of heartache in the process. Needless to say, this is not healthy. Of course, this is not the only way in which false expectations can sabotage a relationship, so, even if you’re not a hopeless romantic, it’s well worth examining your expectations of any relationship before you get involved.

Don’t Compare

It can be really tempting to compare your relationships with those of your family and friends. Do not do this. For a start, you’re not seeing half of what goes on with them, so you’re comparing their highlight reel to your blooper reel. It’s not a fair comparison! However, comparisons also put an unfair kind of pressure upon you and your partner to push your relationship into an unnatural form. All relationships are unique, and should develop in their own manner. Trying to make your relationship fit someone else’s format is always going to lead to problems. So stop comparing yourself to others, relax into your own relationship, and let it do its own thing in its own time.

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2016 Year of The Monkey Dating/Relationship Tips


The Chinese Zodiac is just as important as the Western Zodiac especially when it comes to dating and relationships. The main difference is that animals mark the changing years while various symbols mark the changing months. The animals are regarded as very important symbols and references when it comes to love and marriage in the lives of Chinese people. For those born in the Year of the Monkey, there are many common traits and attitudes when love is involved. They possess active and optimistic personalities that enhance their appeal. Typically, Monkeys are most compatible with those who are born in the Year of the Rabbit or Year of the Ox. On the other hand, they are not compatible at all with Pig or Tiger signs.

Male Monkeys in Love

When a Monkey male falls in love, he is considerate, romantic, gentle and responsible with his chosen mate. They are usually quite popular with the opposite sex because they are so very charming. In fact, to the male Monkeys, love relationships are of the utmost importance in their lives. As far as they are concerned, finding their soul mates is akin to discovering buried treasure. If a Monkey male loves you, he will give up his job, status, money and anything else that is necessary just for you. As long as they have you and the relationship; that is their main focus.

When someone falls in love with a male Monkey, this mate will be very satisfied with the brave and crazy actions of the Monkey. These relationships are usually long and sweet and can even promote the perfect marriage. Romantic relationships with Monkeys offers understanding and respect for each other. Should any quarrel or conflict arise, they are calmly and respectfully resolved. Therefore, no matter what else might be happening between them, there is always light-hearted love. On the other hand, Monkeys can feel insecure and worry about the future at times. This causes them to regularly ask their partners to stay with them.

Once married, Monkey males generally remain loyal. Born with the innate ability to solve problems, they can easily handle trivial matters in the marriage. In short, Monkey males make the perfect boyfriend and husband.

Female Monkeys in Love

A female Monkey in love shows shyness, tenderness, honesty and kindheartedness. They tend to be rather withdrawn regarding the expression of their affections. They are not comfortable showing their feelings in an open manner. The reason for their conservative nature regarding relationships and marriage is because they feel the relationship is not secure if other people know how they truly feel. Once a man begins to tell a Monkey female his feelings for her, she begins to back away. In doing this, they miss a lot of chances to meet the right man for them.

Once a female Monkey falls in love, they are usually gentle and understanding toward their partner. They are also quick to forgive offenses committed by those partners and give them a second chance. In addition, they love to hear praise and admiration from their partners as well as others. Being appreciated means a great deal to them.

At times, the female Monkey can be slightly stubborn. When that happens, they will ignore all suggestions. These are the times when lovers must be patient and lenient in order to calm them down quickly.

Love Compatibility With a Monkey

The Chinese Zodiac offers a detailed analysis that shows the best compatible matches for Monkeys. These are the Ox, Rabbit and Dragon. This means that a Monkey will have a happy and harmonious life with people possessing these signs. On the other hand, Monkeys should avoid relationships with Tigers, Snakes and Pigs because these promise to make bad matches.

To break it down a little more, the best matches for Monkey men are:

  • Ox: These signs offer a sedate and practical feeling and this combination can be amazing.
  • Dogs: These women provide a sense of security to male Monkeys along with understanding and respect.
  • Dragons: Both Monkeys and Dragons have common goals and are ambitious. This will be a sweet and stable marriage.
  • Sheep: These are gentle and lovely women. They have the ability to boost the Monkey’s career while also managing family matters successfully.


Bad Matches for Monkey Males:

  • Tigers: These two signs carry too many of the same negative traits for a successful coupling.
  • Pigs: There is little understanding of each other between them and make for a difficult relationship.
  • Snakes: They expect each other to be perfect, which is impossible.


There are also both good and bad matches for Monkey ladies. The best matches are:

  • Rats: Their optimistic attitude towards life as well as patience with each other make them a perfect combination.
  • Rabbits: The many commonalities of these two signs make for a loving and fun-filled marriage.
  • Dragons: As Dragons love to be romantic, the Monkey women will respond quite positively. They will make a happy and cozy home.

The worst matches for Monkey women are:

  • Tigers: There are too many different opinions here for the communication to work.
  • Pigs: These two signs are both independent and seem as if they don’t live in the same world.

Now that you are armed with this vital information, your dating in the Year of the Monkey should be much more successful.

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Best Holiday Gifts for New Dating Partners

Couples can meet each other and make that connection at any time of the year. There is no rule that says you must meet on a specific day during the year. Therefore, plenty of couples meet close to the winter holidays. This means that they are still getting to know each other and may not have any idea as to what sort of gift they should give each other. It does not have to become a serious dilemma, however. You can find the perfect gift for your new dating partner without worrying and wanting to pull out your hair by the roots.

First of all, consider what you know about this new person in your life. Obviously, the two of you will have talked about the normal things such as what sort of music, books and movies you like. Those are always great places to start. One of you may have a hobby that is very important to you. That is another direction that you can follow.

Things to stay away from in new relationships include expensive jewelry, clothing, and anything that is costly and/or very personal. For instance, a man should not buy the new lady in his life some sexy lingerie. A woman should avoid buying her new man something like Gstring underwear or an expensive suit. You get the point.

Now, you may be wondering that since there are so many things you should not buy your new partner, exactly what you should get. It is not as complicated as you might think. Gifts for those new companions in your life may include:

  • Books: Believe it or not, a significant number of the population do love to read. If your new dating companion is a reader and has a favorite author or genre of book, that can be the ideal gift. It can be even more meaningful if you can manage to get the book signed by the author.
  • Music: Almost everyone on the planet enjoys music whether it is rock, country, classical or anything else in between. Try buying your new dating companion a new CD of music performed by their favorite musician. This can expand further by making a mixed CD of all the songs that you know are the favorites of your new friend. Another way to add to this particular gift is to buy concert tickets to see a favorite performer.
  • Dinner and a Show: Many people love going to plays. These can come in the form of off-Broadway shows or dinner theaters. Season tickets can be purchased ahead of time and presented to your friend. This is sure to be a hit while not being overly personal.
  • Impersonal Jewelry: While certain types of jewelry may say too much about a fairly new relationship, there are some jewelry pieces that are appropriate. If you are dating a man who leans to wearing cuff links and tie pins, either of those will be acceptable as gifts for a new partner. Women may enjoy the charm bracelets that are making a comeback these days. You can add a couple of charms that are meaningful to her. Necklaces or earrings containing her birth stone is also a nice acceptable gift.
  • Fun Gifts: There are some gifts that are appropriate no matter how long a couple has been dating. For instance, t-shirts with cute sayings or pictures on them are always fun for the recipient. Framed photos of the two of you together can be fun. Posters of favorite movies or bands can be framed and used as a wall decoration.
  • Hobbies: If your new companion has a hobby that he or she is passionate about, that will give you a clue as to a gift that will be appreciated or enjoyed. For instance, if your new friend has pet birds, you might want to present a custom built bird cage. An aquarium lover might want to find new decorations for it or even a new fish or two. That is just the beginning. Pay attention to this person’s passion and you will find plenty of ideas for holiday gifts.
  • Scarves, Hats or Gloves: If you happen to live in a colder climate, such things as scarves, gloves and close fitting hats might be very much appreciated. Choose something elegant or fun, depending on the person’s taste who will be wearing these items. They do not have to be boring and can be quite appropriate for new companions.

The above certainly does not make a full list of gifts to give to your new dating partner, but it is a good place to start. As you begin shopping, you can add to this list and create one of your own. The more you spend with your new friend the more you will discover about this person. That will lead you in the right direction of the perfect holiday gift.

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Elaine, 64 from St Helier, Jersey Looking For Friendship

mature woman

Elaine, 64 from St Helier, Jersey


Contact Elaine

Elaine’s Characteristics

Height: 5’1″-5’4″
Build: Petite
Ethnicity: Caucasian / White
Marital Status: Single
Smoker: None
Drinker: Light
Children: 2
Occupation: Retired

About Elaine

I love to treat others as I wish to be treated. I’m a caring sharing woman, usually upbeat always looking at the funny side of life. Shall turn a negative into a positive. Honesty and respect is extremely important to me. I’m not happy with smokers!

Elaine’s Interests

Pop Music, Classical Music, Country Music, Rock Music, Movies, Theatre, Dancing, Animals, Gardening, The Arts, The Outdoors, DIY/Crafts, Restaurants, Reading, Computers, Internet, Cooking, Travelling and Keep Fit
Send a message to Elaine

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